Backward Ways
by Myzz Beatlette
Summary: Just a bunch of really wierd stories that were written in class
1. Missing Hats That Aren't Missing

Disclaimer: These are basically a bunch of useless stories that I came up with in the middle of math and science. But some of them are pretty funny. Now read! *Crawls into a ditch and covers eyes*  
  
1.Missing hats that aren't missing:  
  
Ron: *digging trough his clothes*  
  
Harry: What the hell are you looking for?  
  
Ron: My hat.  
  
Harry: But you're wearing it.  
  
Ron: I know. I found it this morning.  
  
Harry: Then why are you looking for it?  
  
Ron: Because I want to find it.  
  
Harry: *Mutters* Idiot....  
  
(A/N: Stupid? I know. But they're humor, what do u expect? The next chapters are gonna be better, believe me.) 


	2. Kiss Me Under The Mistletoe

Disclaimer: No. My dream has not come true. I have not become the author to the Harry Potter series. Therefore, I do not own any of the characters.  
  
2.Kiss Me Under The Mistletoe:  
  
*Ron and Malfoy are sitting in the dungeons*  
  
Malfoy: Look what we're sitting under.  
  
Ron: *Looks up* I don't see anything.  
  
Malfoy: It's mistletoe.  
  
Ron: Sooo...  
  
Malfoy: *Raises eyebrow*  
  
Ron: Oh God...! *Runs away*  
  
Malfoy: Come back my little butterball. *Runs after him*  
  
*Snape walks in with Harry trailing behind*  
  
Snape: Look Potter mistletoe! 


	3. Where's My Pillow?

Disclaimer: This chapter is kind of weird. *yells and runs away screaming*  
  
3.Where's my pillow?  
  
Ron: *Makes chewing noises*  
  
Neville: What's that noise?  
  
Ron: Sorry I had a dream.  
  
Neville: About what?  
  
Ron: I dreamed that I ate a giant marshmallow.  
  
Harry: Hey! Did anybody see my pillow?  
  
Ron: Oops! 


	4. Hard Day's Night?

Disclaimer: I love the Beatles and I just had to have Harry singing Hard Day's Night!  
  
4. Hard Day's Night?  
  
Harry: *Spinning around* It's been a hard day's night and I've been working like a dog. It's been a hard day's night , I should be sleeping like a log.  
  
Ron: I didn't know you liked the Beatles.  
  
Harry: I don't. *Continues singing and spinning* But when I get home to you I find the things that you do will make me feel alright.  
  
Ron: Then why are you singing one of their songs?  
  
Harry: Because they rock.  
  
Ron: But I thought you didn't like them.  
  
Harry: Didn't I just say that? 


	5. What I Learned About Malfoy

Disclaimer: This chapter is a little funnier than the others.  
  
5. What I Learned About Malfoy  
  
Hermione: Have you finished your essay yet?  
  
Harry: Yup!  
  
Hermione: What's it called?  
  
Harry: What I learned About Malfoy.  
  
Hermione: Let's hear it.  
  
Harry: He weirs a dress once a week, he paints his toenails pink, he has a stuffed bear named Mr. Snuggles, he like to throw rocks at people (especially old people), he likes pink, picks his nose and secretly has a mullet. So basically, he's a pretty nice guy. 


	6. Cocaine Makes You High?

Disclaimer: I know, my chapters are very short but they're supposed to be. These are just stupid little stories that I've written to prevent writers block.  
  
6. Cocaine Makes you high?  
  
Ron: Harry, what are you doing?  
  
Harry: Getting high.  
  
Ron: That explains the cocaine.  
  
Harry: Cocaine makes you high?  
  
Ron: Yeah... Isn't that why you're sniffing it?  
  
Harry: Yeah.  
  
Ron: But you just said that you didn't know it made you high.  
  
Harry: I didn't. 


	7. Cat Cat Cat

Disclaimer: Really odd. Ya....... I LIKE KITTIES!!!  
  
7. Cat Cat Cat Cat  
  
Harry: *spinning around* Cat cat cat cat cat...  
  
Ron: What the hell are you doing?  
  
Harry: I'm trying to say cat as much as possible. Hey, I just said it again! Cool! *Continues spinning*  
  
Ron: *Shakes his head*  
  
Harry: Cat cat cat cat cat...  
  
Ron: *Walks into next room*  
  
Neville: Kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty...  
  
Ron: Not again! 


	8. I Want Pink Hair!

Disclaimer: Another random chapter to this story. Enjoy!  
  
Harry: Ron, do I have black hair?  
  
Ron: Yes  
  
Harry: Really?  
  
Ron: Yeah, you know that.  
  
Harry: *Looks in the mirror* I thought it was pink.  
  
Ron: Well it's black.  
  
Harry: I want pink hair! *Runs off screaming*  
  
Ron: *Shakes head*  
  
Disclaimer: Harry is odd... 


	9. I Was Kind Of Confused When I Couldn't G...

Disclaimer: This chapter is kind of scary.  
  
Sirius: *Takes a swig of whiskey* Now Harry I'm going to tell you about the orgy Remus, your father and I had.  
  
Harry: Oh no!  
  
Sirius: Well Remus found this powder we were supposed to sniff and...  
  
Harry: No you didn't...  
  
Sirius: We did. And all of a sudden James became Jamie Potter and Remus well... he became the hottest woman I had ever seen. It kind of became an orgy, and me and Remus we...  
  
Harry: Please tell me you didn't!  
  
Sirius: Like dogs! I was kind of confused when I couldn't get in if you know what I mean.  
  
Disclaimer: I know, nasty. 


	10. MALFOY HERE I COME!

Disclaimer: Odd...  
  
Ron: I'm bored; I want to become a woman!  
  
Harry: Then do it.  
  
Neville: But if you need a date avoid Snape. He wears a red wonderbra under his robes.  
  
Harry: Avoid Sirius too, he picks his wedgie.  
  
Neville: But Malfoy, damn he's good!  
  
Harry: Yeah, he's such a manly man!  
  
Ron: MALFOY HERE I COME! *Runs out of the room* 


	11. John Lennon's Dead?

Disclaimer: I LOVE John Lennon!!!  
  
Harry: Wah! Why did John Lennon have to die?  
  
Ron: I miss John Lennon too.  
  
Harry: Where did he go?  
  
Ron: He died.  
  
Harry: John Lennon's dead?  
  
Moo Moo George: WHY DID HE HAVE TO DIE? 


	12. It Goes Mooo!

Disclaimer: I think Harry sound so cute in this chapter!  
  
Harry: *Holding a cat* Do you like my puppy?  
  
Ron: That's a cat!  
  
Harry: No, it's a puppy!  
  
Ron: It. Is. A. Cat!  
  
Harry: It's a puppy!  
  
Ron: For goodness sake Harry, it's a cat! It goes meow!  
  
Harry: No, it's a puppy! It goes moooo!  
  
Ron: Dogs go woof!  
  
Harry: Moooo!  
  
Ron: Woof!  
  
Harry: I want a pony! *Runs off screaming*  
  
Disclaimer: This story makes me think of Harry as a cute little six year old! 


	13. Is that NO!

Disclaimer: Please don't flame! If you don't like my...story (if that's what you can call it) then don't review at all. Thank you!  
  
Harry and Snape are in the potions dungeons  
  
Harry: Professor Snape, I want to know why I failed my essay.  
  
Snape: *Lays down on his desk. Raises one eyebrow and stares at Harry in a horny sort of way*  
  
Harry: Well?  
  
Snape: What's wrong Harry love, your cute little face is full of confusion  
  
Harry: Are you okay?  
  
Snape: *Runs his hand down his leg* Of course Sweetie, especially with you making my life just perfect.  
  
Harry: Oh God...  
  
Snape: *Pulls open shirt*  
  
Harry: Oooh!  
  
Outside of the dungeons  
  
Ron: What's that noise?  
  
Noises: Oh Sev, Sev, Sev! Oh Harry, Harry, Harry!  
  
Hermione: Is that...  
  
Ron: No...  
  
Disclaimer: I know that these stories are bad but I write them when I have nothing better to do. 


	14. Damn That Cat had an Attitude!

Disclaimer: This chapter isn't dirty.  
  
Harry: *Takes off his glasses* I can see perfectly fine without them!  
  
Ron: Right...  
  
Harry: *Sees something coming up to him* Here kitty, kitty, kitty!  
  
Ron: Harry! Watch out for that...  
  
*Big bang*  
  
Ron: ...Truck  
  
Harry: *Bleeding to death* Damn, that cat had an attitude! Oh...*Dies* 


	15. That Was A Man!

Disclaimer: I need a life...  
  
Ron: Check out that hot girl!  
  
Girl: Hey Hottie! *Slaps Ron's ass*  
  
Ron: You're sexy!  
  
Girl: Aren't I? *Walks away*  
  
Ron: That was the hottest girl I have ever met!  
  
Harry: That was a man! 


End file.
